In which, as it turns out, they will.
This is clearly a holodeck program, unless Deep Space Nine has been hiding a crooner lounge. While the host sings “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You”, Odo gets further into the music than one might have thought, and it turns out that the host is, in fact, aware of just how long it’s been since the song was written. This is Bashir’s new holotoy, and Vic Fontaine, and he is self-aware. Bashir clearly ignored the regulations on this, but Vic seems to be pretty good-natured about it. He’s also fairly intuitive, about matters of the heart, but backs off just before giving Kira and Odo a bit of too-early advice. Kira’s headed off to Bajor to meet with Shakaar, and after she leaves and Odo looks crestfallen, he overhears Julian talking about how Vic gave Bashir enough romantic advice to land him a date with a lovely young ensign. Odo is intrigued.
Odo and Quark’s conversation serves to remind us that Kira and Shakaar had broken up, a year ago, and that Odo just let the opportunity slip by. And he’s super moody about it. Quark gives him some cold hard doses of reality, and then Odo asks for some help with Bashir’s holosuite program. I’m already remembering that time Data tried to learn comedy. Bashir stops by to try to use his program, aborting another display of Quark’s amazing mixology, doing Odo the favor of not letting anyone see him getting advice from a hologram.
Odo believes he is Friendzoned, and Vic gives him some advice on opening up and not tripping over his own feet, self-expression-wise, and they trade some good lines. Next, Odo adjusts his wardrobe a little. Finally, Vic sits him down at the piano in order to learn how to project some confidence. Vic has enough control over his own program to remove his current pianist, summon a crowd, and make the piano play itself. All Odo has to do is make it look cool. We get a brief hint of the same physical comedy that had him moving the mixing bowl before he settles into it. In this instance, having an audience programmed to appreciate any performance may actually be helpful.
As soon as the spotlight is over, though, he’s back to being jealous of his image and deathly afraid that anyone might see him. Odo’s next skill challenge is a pair of lovely ladies Vic has invited up to admire his fingerwork, and to practice his romantic interludes. It’s such a nice night that Odo starts humming the next morning, while waiting for Sisko to review a report. Sisko joins in. It’s a good day.
Julian and Dax gossip about Kira and Shakaar on their way to Ops. Dax has also noticed the way Odo moons over Kira, and Odo’s spending a lot of time in the holosuite, and now that Odo’s gotten used to playing cool, Vic trots out the next step: Lola Cristal. Vic evidently has access to records not commonly available to standard or even power-users.
Vic pours a couple of glasses of champagne and toddles off to bed to leave Lola and Odo alone together. He gets pretty close to a kiss, but of course he refuses to use Kira’s image like that. And in fact there’s a reason Vic was able to get Kira’s image after all – Julian made her a Russian spy once. Also, Odo’s still terrified of freezing up once the training wheels come off.
Kira’s back from Bajor, and Odo was right about freezing up, much to Kira’s nonplussed-ness. I’m making that a word. While she prays in her own holosuite program, Vic sneaks in to have a conversation with her about Odo. Vic has a lot of access. He tries to convince Kira to come to the holosuite, insisting that Odo asked him to. Given Odo’s skittishness, we know that’s not true. We barely even need Vic piping himself over the comms to invite Odo to see his new ‘Kira personality overhaul’ of the Lola hologram, although it does serve to reinforce that Vic may be the station’s new Genius Loci.
In the grand tradition of these sorts of things, Odo still thinks he has the training wheels on, and it’s working for him. Kind of. He stutters a bit, complimenting Vic on the program before skipping past it and dancing with Kira. It only finally breaks down when she suggests a date elsewhere on the station, and Odo regretfully and mistakenly indicates that this would be impossible. Predictably, they’re both extremely pissed. However, once they’re over the initial anger, and Vic gives Odo a gentle push and Jadzia gives Kira one too, those two crazy kids wind up making it after all.